2. Degrees Don’t Equal Experience: A Parent’s Perspective

Part Two: Parenting Under Surveillance

From the outside, parenting is supposed to be a natural thing — built on love, instincts, trial and error. But when you’re parenting under the gaze of the system, it doesn’t feel natural at all. It feels like performance.

Every word you say, every move you make, even how your child reacts to you — it’s all watched, noted, judged. There’s no space to just be a mum. Instead, you’re constantly wondering:

What did they write about that moment? Did I do something wrong? Will that be held against me?

When social workers are in the room, or when contact sessions are being observed, it’s like living under a microscope. You become hyper-aware of yourself. You start questioning the way you speak to your child, how you comfort them, how you discipline them, even how you hug them. Because it’s not just parenting anymore — it’s parenting on trial.

But what they don’t see — what they can’t see in those short, structured windows of time — is the bond. The history. The thousands of moments that built your relationship long before this system came in and tried to reduce it to a checklist.

Parenting under surveillance strips away the warmth and replaces it with anxiety. It’s not parenting — it’s proving.

And no parent should have to prove their love in front of an audience.