Our oldest son turned up on our doorstep.
Not because he ran but because he couldn’t cope.
And neither could they.
We did everything right.
We brought him inside, calmed him down, made sure he was safe.
We called the professionals, followed the rules, waited for someone to come.
When the foster carer arrived, something became painfully clear:
They had not been told the truth.
Not about our son’s needs. Not about the challenges. Not about his history.
They went in blind and now that the truth has shown itself,
they’ve handed in their notice.
Just like that.
Our son will be moved on. Again.
Because a foster carer can say no more, and the system will accept it without question.
But when parents struggle? When parents say they’re scared or overwhelmed?
They’re punished. Judged. Told they’re unfit.
Even when they’ve done the work. Even when they’ve fought for their children.
This child
he was the hardest decision we ever had to make.
He left under a Section 20 agreement, because his needs were so complex
we couldn’t meet them while also protecting his siblings.
We were naive about what that meant — about what we were handing over.
But we believed it was right at the time.
At first, he went to amazing foster carers.
People who truly tried who cared.
But after three years, they too handed in their notice.
Not because of violence. Not because of danger.
Because of his attitude.
He was moved again.
And now, these are the carers he ran from tonight.
These are the ones who weren’t even told what he needed.
Who now claim he just needs to settle
as he sends messages saying he’s angry, scared, upset, and bullied.
We’ve seen those messages.
And we’ve seen how quickly they’re dismissed by the very people meant to protect him.
It’s hard to say this but we know, from how he is right now,
that we wouldn’t be able to cope with his behaviours either.
His needs are high. That’s the truth.
But here’s the difference:
We never threw him away.
We broke our own hearts trying to do what was right.
We didn’t give up on him we gave him over to people we hoped could help.
And yet, carers can hand him back like he’s an Amazon return.
No consequence. No shame.
Just a quiet decision behind a closed door that says: not good enough.
That allows carers to give up
but refuses to let parents try again.
How many more children have to be misunderstood,
moved on, silenced, and shamed,
before someone listens?
This isn’t care.
This is abandonment dressed up in policy.
And the ones who suffer most are the children caught in between.
~ The Girl Speaks
thegirlspeaks.uk 